and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
