I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I didn't notice because vodka
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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