I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
