Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
