i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Randomize
