Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize