I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
