Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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