It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
pop tarts are not kleenex
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
