I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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