I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Randomize
