Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
