my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
