But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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