All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
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I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
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She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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