ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I think my vagina is haunted
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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