Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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