I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
