so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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