my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
