the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
