Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
