Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
