how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
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