normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
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Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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