they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
