You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
