Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
After last night, I could never be a politician.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
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