In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
