evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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