people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
