At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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