so explain again why im purple
no
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Randomize
