Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
