her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
