He disabled his match.com account in front of me
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize