I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
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