dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
The power of my boobs compel you
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Randomize
