And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
It's rum buckets o'clock
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Randomize
