WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
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