Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
