i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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