I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
