Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Duck Duck Cougar?
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Randomize
