He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
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