I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
