apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
there is glitter all over my balls
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