found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
