My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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