I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
