i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Randomize
