somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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