the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
