I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
