There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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