Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
