I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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