did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Randomize
