failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
