so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
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