Kareoke will never be a sober sport
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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