Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Randomize
