making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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