Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
